"im in a mental institution. I win"

So its a saterday night and following the lack of sleep i got last night and the day i spent having my teeth driled on top of the snow storm were having i decide to spend it sitting on my couch watching tv. Being ever the multi tasker im also on aim. I get an im from a guy that i had, well i wouldnt say i dated him because there was no dating involved so i guess i just was banging him off and on. We'll call him...crazy, because that what he is. Anyway the last real conversation we had ended with me having been totally frustrated with him basically telling him to go fuck himself and him trying to make me feel like the worlds worst person. That was six months ago. In these past 6 months id spoken to him twice, once because he called me to tell me he was parked next to the oscar mayer weiner mobile ( somehow i feel like thats bull because i dont think that exists) and once because when i was doing intense cleaning of my room i found some of his stuff and emailed him to see if he wanted it. So tonite he ims me. the conversation goes alot like this Crazy "hey" me " hey, whatsup?" crazy "nothing getting bored here" me "same here its cold" crazy "im in a mental institution. I win" me "...i wasnt trying to win anything... im sorry?".
Seriously what the fuck? are there no normal men left in this world. I met crazy when during my first semester of community college. He was a friend of one of my friends who hung out at the student lounge and one day they were playing apples to apples, they invited me to play. Crazy had a girlfriend but we became good friends fast. We were friends but we had a weird flirtation i never had any intentions of taking this anyhere other then friendship with him, but one day i was moving my furnature and i asked him to come over and help me, he took that as an invitation into my pants, it was not. He had a girlfriend and im not that type of girl. He left with blueballs. The next day i went into the lounge and his girlfriend as there. He left here there with me and i was expected to act like nothing happened. After that i stopped going to the lounge. Then i got involved with a guy i was with for 8 months and didnt hear from him, after we brokeup crazy emailed me apologised for everything and now single we made plans to hang out. Crazy was cute smart and seemed to be nice but the more we hung out the more he was like a winey obnoxous baby the only good thing about him was the sex which was quicky ruined by him speaking. I began getting royally fed up with him showing up when it was convient for him, drinking all my alcohol, fucking me, and then whineing about how unfair life is and how no girl will ever be good enough for him. One night i ended things men never go away they always have this way of showing up again and again. So like i said in the past 6 monthes ive heard from him three times including tonite and after 6 months he says to me "im in a mental institution. I win"

Dating follies & the bowl incident

I thought there was nothing worse then being cheated on. This was until i was recently dumped in a text in the middle of panera, having lunch with my best friend. I was not acutally upset about the relationship ending, i was totally pissed off however that the guy did not have the balls to do it face to face. Even a phone call would have been more decent then a text message. talk about not having balls. I really didnt care that he dumped me because i was planning on dumping him this weekend so by dumping me he saved me the aggravation of trying to figure out a way to do it without hurting his feelings. So what you ask leads up to a text message break up?



It started two years ago in highschool we met junior year and became friends, we started dating when we were 17 and fell in love, the relationship came to an end not a happy one and i dumped his stuff on his front porch which subsequently he called me told me what a bitch i was and hated me for the next year, the following summer we got back together because we were"inlove" and i truely did love him he cheated on...with one of my best friends. So i told him what an asshole he was and hated him for the next year. Then he wrote me a letter apologisin, i was with someone else which would end soon after i got the letter and we wrote back and forth for a while before we decided to give it another try. However things were different this time. I had grown up, he hadnt, it was really hard and things quickly became just as they had always been. My one big thing in a relationship is dont ever make plans with me and blow them off, which he did...all the time. the final straw was the cancer benefit he blew me off for. Seriousoly it was to raise money for cancer, if for no other reason go to support the cause. Id had it. i told him via text the we neeeded to talk and then he dumped me...via text. This third and final time i love him less and less until it finally got to the point where i didnt even like him. And then came the text message breakup. After three years i thinki i deserve more then a text message. After three minutes i think i deserve more than a text message. espically after all the crap i put up with. which i guess im the idiot for putting up with it for so long. But that whole dumping me in a text thing really validate everything id been feeling about the relationship. I need to stop being sucha doormat.



So how did i deal with this you might ask: well i did what any normal girl would do. Fucked her coworker. In the past i had learned that this is a terrible idea, however before i got back with text boy i had some how ended up blowing one of the guys i work with in the back seat of my car. Me and this guy had always had a flirtation and i had kind of liked him regardless of the fact that hes younger than me. not by much but i had always been more interested in older men. So after the whole blowing him in my car thing things got really awkward espically after i got back with text boy. Who upon telling Coworker boy that i had gotten back with text boy he was obviousoly jelous and took to badmouthing text boy throught the entire durtation of our relationship. One of the girls i work with. who i told about the dome in my backseat incident once actually sugested that i dump text boy and give coworker boy a chance. Coworker boy made it very clear that he wanted nothing more then blowjobs from me so i couldnt really understand where the jelousy and bad mouthing was comingfrom. Then the break up happened. Not even 24 hours later i end up at the scene of the crime with coworker boy. I was giving him a ride home and stopped to pick somstehing up when i ended up making out with him, he then informs me that he wants to have sex. After having just spend the past few months having terrible sex with someone who dumped me in a text i figured why not. So 10 minutes later im having sex with my coworker in the back seat of my car at some seady apartment complex. so after the sex were kinda talking about where this leaves things. the conversation goes kinda like this Me-"so wheres this leave thigns i mean is this gonna be like an all the time friens with benefits thing or is this a one time deal" Coworker boy- "its kinda like a friends with benefits thing until i get a new girlfriend (Mumbles)(since you dont want a boyfriend anyway)" me-"what" coworker boy-"nothing im just mumbeling" me- "i heared you" him-"oh" so then he goes out with this girl who the legit only thing she has going for her is she has a nice body. that it legit all. im not gonna lie im kinda jelous. i do like him. and aparently its obvious to everyone at work but me that he likes me. i dont think this is true however tho because all he talks about is ugly girl all the time. And when i mention that im going on a date this week he talks about her more. and when hes not talking about her hes touching me, rubbing my back, putting his arms around me ect ect. its like i dont get it.





and then there was the bowl incident.

I dont understand that new move over law, therefore i didnt move over last night driving on the highway when a cop hd someone pulled over in the breakdown lane. So he then pulls me over me being totally confused and scared shitless because my car reeks like pot from the blackfriday extravaganza i start figuratively peeing my pants. totally not thinking my bowl is just chillin out in my glove box along with my registration i open my glove box and my bowl, still fully packed falls out right infront of the state trooper. Who totally ignores it and helps me better understand the move over law, talks to me about walmart, and lets me go without a ticket. Ive got a horseshow shoved up my ass.