Got some teeth

So i know that everyone goes through this at one point in their lives, getting their wisdom teeth out. I dont know if im just a bigger wimp then everyone else or what but is it now THE MOST MISERABLE THING ON EARTH? I have never been so sick of icecream in my life. I cant eat anything and my face is swollen and i have two black eyes. aparently im theonly person on earth who has ever been so miserable getting their wisdom teeth out but somehow i feel like this is bullshit. Ok first of all, its like day 5, i still cant eat anything other then icecream plus ive gained back the 5 lbs i lost over the corse of two weeks. Yup people it takes two weeks to take 5 lbs off and four wisdom teeth to put it back on. FUCK YOU TEETH FUCK YOU. on top of that they gave me vicodin which i never understood why people took those for fun, i spent the first two days being so fucked up i didnt knwo my own name just sitting there not doing anything, its just like WOAH WOAH what is going on here. And the next day throwing up more then i have in my entire life. I legit threw up so much that i didnt have anything left in my body to throw up, and then i threw up more. IT WAS SOOOO PLEASENT. Today was the first day i felt like a real person enough to get up and go out. I finished/did my christmas shopping, overdrew my checking account (go me).
On the brightside my fabuluous friend who attends NYU is having just as miserable a night as i am. Not that her misery is great but she always sends me the most interesting text messages when shes drunk and angry. Right now shes telling me how she wants to punch a baby and shoot the dj at dollar beer night in the face. Sometimes im truely jelous of that girl. Shes the apitomy of a sorority girl and shes absolutely fabuluous. I dont get to see her often anymore because shes living at nyu but she was my neighbor for like 10 years, all her pictures look like a frat party that i wish i was invited to.
So now im trying to decide what im going to do new years eve. This being the first year i dont have a boyfriend in like 3 years i really want to tear it up, There is so much going on but all of its couples related. My friends who just got engaged "nick" and "jen" are throwing a party on and coworker boy wanted to come with however coworker boy is now offically with ugly girl so i dont think that offer is on the table anymore, plus im trying to get over that. Then theres beetlebop. Beetlebop is coming home from florida and he wants me to go to a party at his blind friends house. I hate his blind friend i think hes a prick and i htink his friends are creepy, not to mention that beetlebop is convinced that were going to have sex (we have not and will never have sex he doesnt seem to get that). Then my fabuluous friend from NYU is planning and hoping to go back to nyu intime to throw a new years ever party, thats always an option except that im working the night before and the night after newyears so it wouldnt make alot of sense to make the trip up there.For a change im the only one of my friends whose single which makes for one of two situations i eiher end up being odd man out or they try to set me up with whoever of their awkward male friends is single neither of which sound like a fun time. Its not like im in a rush to find someone, ivve been dating consistantly for five years. Im exausted, I just want to sit back relax and be the slut that everyone thinks i am. I did go throught my Slutty mc Slut slut phase when i was younger, but i dont think being slutty is such a bad thing. Sex is healthy its good for the soul, the attitude, and the waist line( aparently an orgasm burns calories). I definately have some great stories to tell at the dinner table if you know what i mean. When it comes to Sex, love and men Im pretty much your mothers worst nightmare.
Sometimes tho i really think that im the problem when it comes to relationships, It cant be every guy ive ever dated thats been wrong.Seriously tho i have pretty moderate standards. I didnt know it was too much to ask for a guy to have a decent relationship with his family, a job, a car, a license, not be into drugs, shower on a regular basis, pay for dates every so often but aparently it is. I used to hve much lower standards but ive since grown up and after my last relationship (textboy) ive decided that anyone who does not meet these minimum criteria will not make it past the front door. Last week i was talking to my boss about all my sexual exploits
its weird because hes 36 years older then me and a man but we relate alot, i guess he was alot like me before he met his wife (which first of all is normal for a guy) and i guess that gives me hope for the future because his wife pretty much the shit. Hes amazed that ive never done anything with a woman. Well ive never done anything with a woman and i plan to keep it that way.

why not to date someone who is involved with anything musical

I breifely dated. Not even dated we hung out once and talked a few times via facebook. He was cool at first but then he started getting super creepy and i quickly lost interest. I just stopped talking to him and always had an excuse not to hang out i thought he would get the hint but he didnt eventually he texted me and asked me if i ws still into him or not and at that point not only was i not into him i was back with text boy. i told him and he basically told me i was a super douche and kinda disappeared from sight for a while. We will call this one "the rapper" because hes a rapper. SO since text boy and i broke up i noticed that the rapper has been posting more and more thinngs on face book and aim about how your man dumped you and you shoulda got with me when you had the chance blah blah. for example. this was posted on my aim tonite ""i see your bipolar status updates lifes great then ruined over and over found love but then you got crushed you shoulda got with me when you had the chance."... girl you k now who you are" the thing he leaves out is that hes totally unstable and completely nutso. I guess he doesnt know that hes unstable and nuts. Sometimes i seriously feel like im a magnet for unstable men. Im stable! Why do all these unstable men flock to me? Not only that but they go away, and then they always come back! My boss claims that this means im good in bed. I dont know if this is true because i really have no idea waht i do differently then any other girl. Honestly all i ever really dois show up. I mean is it even possible for a girl to be bad in bed? Ive definately experianced my fair share of bad sex but ive never had any complaints. As for coworker boy thats over and done and never again. By far the worst idea ive ever had. I actually like him, but im just going to have to figure out how to be happy for him and just ignore the weird flirtation thing going on between us. It never would have worked anyway.

"im in a mental institution. I win"

So its a saterday night and following the lack of sleep i got last night and the day i spent having my teeth driled on top of the snow storm were having i decide to spend it sitting on my couch watching tv. Being ever the multi tasker im also on aim. I get an im from a guy that i had, well i wouldnt say i dated him because there was no dating involved so i guess i just was banging him off and on. We'll call him...crazy, because that what he is. Anyway the last real conversation we had ended with me having been totally frustrated with him basically telling him to go fuck himself and him trying to make me feel like the worlds worst person. That was six months ago. In these past 6 months id spoken to him twice, once because he called me to tell me he was parked next to the oscar mayer weiner mobile ( somehow i feel like thats bull because i dont think that exists) and once because when i was doing intense cleaning of my room i found some of his stuff and emailed him to see if he wanted it. So tonite he ims me. the conversation goes alot like this Crazy "hey" me " hey, whatsup?" crazy "nothing getting bored here" me "same here its cold" crazy "im in a mental institution. I win" me "...i wasnt trying to win anything... im sorry?".
Seriously what the fuck? are there no normal men left in this world. I met crazy when during my first semester of community college. He was a friend of one of my friends who hung out at the student lounge and one day they were playing apples to apples, they invited me to play. Crazy had a girlfriend but we became good friends fast. We were friends but we had a weird flirtation i never had any intentions of taking this anyhere other then friendship with him, but one day i was moving my furnature and i asked him to come over and help me, he took that as an invitation into my pants, it was not. He had a girlfriend and im not that type of girl. He left with blueballs. The next day i went into the lounge and his girlfriend as there. He left here there with me and i was expected to act like nothing happened. After that i stopped going to the lounge. Then i got involved with a guy i was with for 8 months and didnt hear from him, after we brokeup crazy emailed me apologised for everything and now single we made plans to hang out. Crazy was cute smart and seemed to be nice but the more we hung out the more he was like a winey obnoxous baby the only good thing about him was the sex which was quicky ruined by him speaking. I began getting royally fed up with him showing up when it was convient for him, drinking all my alcohol, fucking me, and then whineing about how unfair life is and how no girl will ever be good enough for him. One night i ended things men never go away they always have this way of showing up again and again. So like i said in the past 6 monthes ive heard from him three times including tonite and after 6 months he says to me "im in a mental institution. I win"

Blind dates

One of the sucky things about being single is that your non single friends feel like it becomes their responsibility to set you up with every single tom dick and harry that they or boyfriend know. While this can sometimes work out for the best it more often then not ends in an awkward night and me feeling bad about myself. My friends lets call them Linda and Gerald, decided that they wanted to set me up with this friend of Geralds, lets call him Frank. Frank was one of those guys who looked great on paper, id met him before,breifly and he was good looking, going to a good college, had a car and a decent job which was a step from pretty much any guy id dated in the past so i was like sure why not.
I was kinda nervous from the begining because i know im not the type of girl that guys are lining up to take on dates. Im not saying im an ugly girl because im not an ugly girl. Im actually a pretty good looking girl. I have a really pretty face and big boobs, but im also a size 17. im not like star jones before the weightloss big but im certainly not paris hilton either. Lets say im larger then your average bear. So i was at work talking about my fears the other day infront of coworker boy to one of my friends that i work with. coworker boy then goes off on a tangent talking about how im insecure blah blah blah whatever. then goes on to talk incessiently about ugly girl. Ive decided that me and coworker boy go out of our way to try to make the other one jelous. its stupid and i feel like im 15 again. Its obvious to him that i like him if its not i should be. aparently its obvious that he likes me...i dont see it.
So i meet up with frank and gerald and linda at lindas house. Frank decides we should all go out for pizza. not for nothing but i work at a pizza shop (which he knew) that was the last place id want to be. Not for nothing but i feel like if i were a guy i wouldnt take a girl on a date to a pizza shop espically if i knew she worked at one. But anyway, when we first met he didnt act like he was appaled or disapointed at being set up with a fat chick so i chalked it up to being a good date. It all went down hill from there. we all got into geralds car and drove to this shop and frank sat across from me in almost complete silence i try to talk to him and he just gets all weird. for example id ask him what he did in his spare time and he would respond with "uhh uhh umm i dont know". Its like seriously you dont know what you do in your spare time? I thought maybe he was nervouse and would just have to warm up to me, nope he was just boring. Not only was he boring, he had no personality and no sense of humor, infact i dont think theres enough booze in the world to give this guy a personality. No wonder hes single. As if thats not bad enough Linda and Gerald decide that we should go back to their house and watch tv. Frank sugests we watch animal planet.... that is just plain creepy. After about 20 minutes of some weird documentary i decide that im "tired" and its time for me to go home. Frank doesnt offer to walk me to the car, doesnt even get off the couch, barely even says goodbye.
About an hour after i got home i got a call from linda basically apologising for the shitty date telling me that she knew i wasnt going to like him but that gerald insisted that we would be a great match (Gerald obvoisly doesnt know me very well), she also told me that "if it makes me feel any better he thought i was a little too much for him". Not for nothing how is telling me that the worlds most boring person thinks im a little too much for him suposed to make me feel anybetter? Because i actually have a personality and a sense of humor im too much? It doesnt actually bother me i just think its weird because i was actually tame. Usualy i do tend to be a littloe on the loud side and im a little wild, but i was very tame. I feel like i shouldve learned some sort of lesson here, i think that lesson is if he watches animal planet hes lacking something in the bedroom?

Dating follies & the bowl incident

I thought there was nothing worse then being cheated on. This was until i was recently dumped in a text in the middle of panera, having lunch with my best friend. I was not acutally upset about the relationship ending, i was totally pissed off however that the guy did not have the balls to do it face to face. Even a phone call would have been more decent then a text message. talk about not having balls. I really didnt care that he dumped me because i was planning on dumping him this weekend so by dumping me he saved me the aggravation of trying to figure out a way to do it without hurting his feelings. So what you ask leads up to a text message break up?



It started two years ago in highschool we met junior year and became friends, we started dating when we were 17 and fell in love, the relationship came to an end not a happy one and i dumped his stuff on his front porch which subsequently he called me told me what a bitch i was and hated me for the next year, the following summer we got back together because we were"inlove" and i truely did love him he cheated on...with one of my best friends. So i told him what an asshole he was and hated him for the next year. Then he wrote me a letter apologisin, i was with someone else which would end soon after i got the letter and we wrote back and forth for a while before we decided to give it another try. However things were different this time. I had grown up, he hadnt, it was really hard and things quickly became just as they had always been. My one big thing in a relationship is dont ever make plans with me and blow them off, which he did...all the time. the final straw was the cancer benefit he blew me off for. Seriousoly it was to raise money for cancer, if for no other reason go to support the cause. Id had it. i told him via text the we neeeded to talk and then he dumped me...via text. This third and final time i love him less and less until it finally got to the point where i didnt even like him. And then came the text message breakup. After three years i thinki i deserve more then a text message. After three minutes i think i deserve more than a text message. espically after all the crap i put up with. which i guess im the idiot for putting up with it for so long. But that whole dumping me in a text thing really validate everything id been feeling about the relationship. I need to stop being sucha doormat.



So how did i deal with this you might ask: well i did what any normal girl would do. Fucked her coworker. In the past i had learned that this is a terrible idea, however before i got back with text boy i had some how ended up blowing one of the guys i work with in the back seat of my car. Me and this guy had always had a flirtation and i had kind of liked him regardless of the fact that hes younger than me. not by much but i had always been more interested in older men. So after the whole blowing him in my car thing things got really awkward espically after i got back with text boy. Who upon telling Coworker boy that i had gotten back with text boy he was obviousoly jelous and took to badmouthing text boy throught the entire durtation of our relationship. One of the girls i work with. who i told about the dome in my backseat incident once actually sugested that i dump text boy and give coworker boy a chance. Coworker boy made it very clear that he wanted nothing more then blowjobs from me so i couldnt really understand where the jelousy and bad mouthing was comingfrom. Then the break up happened. Not even 24 hours later i end up at the scene of the crime with coworker boy. I was giving him a ride home and stopped to pick somstehing up when i ended up making out with him, he then informs me that he wants to have sex. After having just spend the past few months having terrible sex with someone who dumped me in a text i figured why not. So 10 minutes later im having sex with my coworker in the back seat of my car at some seady apartment complex. so after the sex were kinda talking about where this leaves things. the conversation goes kinda like this Me-"so wheres this leave thigns i mean is this gonna be like an all the time friens with benefits thing or is this a one time deal" Coworker boy- "its kinda like a friends with benefits thing until i get a new girlfriend (Mumbles)(since you dont want a boyfriend anyway)" me-"what" coworker boy-"nothing im just mumbeling" me- "i heared you" him-"oh" so then he goes out with this girl who the legit only thing she has going for her is she has a nice body. that it legit all. im not gonna lie im kinda jelous. i do like him. and aparently its obvious to everyone at work but me that he likes me. i dont think this is true however tho because all he talks about is ugly girl all the time. And when i mention that im going on a date this week he talks about her more. and when hes not talking about her hes touching me, rubbing my back, putting his arms around me ect ect. its like i dont get it.





and then there was the bowl incident.

I dont understand that new move over law, therefore i didnt move over last night driving on the highway when a cop hd someone pulled over in the breakdown lane. So he then pulls me over me being totally confused and scared shitless because my car reeks like pot from the blackfriday extravaganza i start figuratively peeing my pants. totally not thinking my bowl is just chillin out in my glove box along with my registration i open my glove box and my bowl, still fully packed falls out right infront of the state trooper. Who totally ignores it and helps me better understand the move over law, talks to me about walmart, and lets me go without a ticket. Ive got a horseshow shoved up my ass.